Tuesday, January 8, 2019

Learning to Let Go ~ Why Must I?


Gone, and the light gone with her
and left me in shadow here!
Gone — flitted away,
Taken the stars from the night
and the sun from the day!
Gone, and a cloud in my heart,
and storm in the air!
~Alfred, Lord Tennyson, 1870


How does one let go of one's heart when the time comes? How does one survive without one so dear?

I am writing of the little heartbeat at my feet, my sweet dear Lilah Rose. I must let her go but I do not think I can bear it.

She is forever at my side, loving, trusting, and devoted.  She snuggles next to me in bed while I sleep.  She follows me always and waits for me when I need to leave on errands.  How can I break her heart?

I don't want to.

The problem is that we need to move North and my grandson is allergic to dogs.  My daughter insists that he will never come to my home while I have a dog.  My grandson is 6 years old.  She said my granddaughter can not come over either even though she is not allergic to dogs.  She is 3 years old.

Why must I choose?

Of course I love my grandchildren very very much - more than Lilah.  But I made a commitment to Lilah ~ to care for her and love her and not abandon her.

And that is what I would be doing.  Her heart will break and my heart will break and I fear we both will be in a dark place emotionally.

I have interviewed people interested in adopting Lilah but for whatever reason, no one has wanted her.  They say she has too much energy etc etc.  I have contacted many rescues and there is no room at the inn.  Until yesterday... there is a rescue about an hour away that will take her.  It is a no kill rescue/shelter.  We made an appointment for this Saturday morning to take her to be evaluated with other dogs (she will pass - she loves dogs) and then to relinquish her.

I want to run away with her and never give her away.

I want to live like Tasha Tudor in a little house with a big garden with my dog. I don't want a fancy expensive house.  Just a simple little life with my dog and husband.  I want to visit my children and grandchildren from time to time.  I don't want to lose my little companion who loves me unconditionally.  I do not think I could bear it.

Please pray for me dear ones because I rarely stand up for what I want or what I need.  From a very young age, I have almost always done what everyone else has wanted me to do.   I fear I will never recover if I have to relinquish her.  I do not know how to let my heart go.

16 comments:

  1. I don't know at all what should be done, but I hear how painful this is for you. I am so sorry and will pray about this before I go to bed tonight!

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    1. Thank you, Elizabeth for your prayers. Sleep tight!

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  2. Hi Gina~

    Oh my goodness, my heart is breaking for you! I know that I could not give up my sweet little friend. I truly think that there are ways around the allergies. I have three grandchildren that have allergies to my dog. They all take a non-drowsy allergy pill before they come to see me (which is not that often). The only time it will ever bother them, is if they are petting my dog, vigorously, and then touch their eyes or face. I always vacuum really well before they come over, and truly, we just don't have much of an issue. In the summer, it's never a problem. I think Lilah Rose is small enough, that giving her a good bath and brushing her before they came to your home would help with most of the allergy problem. I'm not a vet, or a doctor, but I really think that giving her up would be devastating to you and to her. As a grandparent, I know what a difficult decision it would be, but I also go see my grandchildren more than they come see me.

    I don't know your daughter, I'm sure she is a wonderful woman, after all she is your daughter. But, I don't think that your feelings and emotions have been considered. You will be going through some very difficult times with your husbands health problems, and I believe that having, Lilah Rose with you would be a great comfort to you. I'm so sorry if I have overstepped with my comments, and you certainly don't need to post it, but I think your feelings need to be considered. Anyone who knows you, knows how much you love your little, Lilah Rose. You of course will be in my prayers, Gina, as always. XOXOX

    Hugs and Love,
    Barb

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    1. My daughter is a wonderful woman and a good mother too. I know she is looking out for what is best for her son. We did speak about this and will continue to pray. Thank you, Barb, for praying. XOXO

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  3. Oh Gina my heart is breaking for you! I will be praying for you and your sweet doggie!

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    1. Regina, mine too though I feel better after deciding to cancel that rescue appointment. Thank you for praying!

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  4. What a difficult situation for you. Is there no anti-allergy med that your grandson could take? I do hope this gets resolved without heartbreak.

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    1. Elizabeth, I'm not sure but I wouldn't want for him to be drugged and I don't think my daughter would either.

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  5. Oh dear Gina, this post has filled me with sadness at the prospect of you having to relinquish Lilah to somewhere else. What a heart breaking position you find yourself in. I hope and pray that you will make the decision that is right for you. Sending you many hugs, lovely lady♥

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    1. Kim, thank you for your kind words and many hugs. They have lifted my spirits. ♥

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  6. My dear Gina,

    What a heartbreaking situation for you. I know how Lilah Rose has filled that space when you had to let go of Bear (I think I have that name correct) and I certainly feel your pain as I read here. Please know that I will keep you in prayer and ask the Lord for guidance for you and your husband. xo

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    1. Dianna, yes, Little Bear passed away in August and I was beside myself. We adopted Lilah Rose in early October if my memory serves me right. Thank you for praying. xo

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  7. Oh dearest Gina, I know your sweet heart is breaking. I will be praying for you. You're such a kind, caring soul, and my heart breaks for you.

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    1. Kitty, thank you for praying. My heart is lighter from everyone's prayers. {{HUGS}}

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  8. I am so sorry you have been put in this place where you have to choose between those you love, I know when my furbabies were alive they meant so much to me and it was very hard parting from them when they died, so I can't imagine what you are going through having to give her up when she is so much apart of your life, I don't think some people understand that. You have been in my prayers about it and I will keep praying for an answer for you.

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    1. Connie, we haven't decided yet whether or not to give her up. I thought the decision was made but I never wanted that to be. We are still praying about it and I thank you for praying too.

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But oh! the blessing it is to have a friend to whom one can speak fearlessly on any subject; with whom one's deepest as well as one's most foolish thoughts come out simply and safely. Oh, the comfort — the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person — having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but pouring them all right out, just as they are, chaff and grain together; certain that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and then with the breath of kindness blow the rest away. ~Dinah Maria Craik, A Life for a Life, "Chapter XVI: Her Story," 1859